'Gas Light' – It's Not Me, It's YOU
The term "gaslighting" originated from a 1938 psychological thriller written by British playwright Patrick Hamilton, titled Gas Light. It was later adapted into films in 1940 and 1944, with the latter starring Oscar-nominated actress Ingrid Bergman alongside Charles Boyer. In the story, a husband named Gregory psychologically manipulates his wife, Paula, in an attempt to make her doubt her own perception of reality.
As the plot unfolds, Paula becomes increasingly conflicted – unsure whether to trust her own experiences or her husband's version of events. She grows isolated, anxious, and fearful.
Each evening, Gregory leaves Paula alone in the house, claiming to go for a walk. In reality, he hides in the attic and deliberately dims the gaslights. When Paula mentions seeing the lights flicker, Gregory insists she is imagining things and suggests she may be going mad. He furthers her isolation by implying she is mentally unwell and socially unfit: "Now, perhaps you will understand why I cannot let you meet people."
This is how the term "gaslighting" was born. It has since entered popular psychology and is frequently referenced in self-help literature to describe toxic dynamics in interpersonal relationships. At its core, gaslighting is a deliberate form of psychological manipulation designed to distort or invalidate another person's sense of reality.
Despite being written over 80 years ago, Gas Light remains a powerful reference point for understanding psychological abuse and coercive control, particularly within the context of domestic violence.
Importantly, gaslighting can happen to anyone, in any type of relationship. It is not limited to romantic partners. Friends, neighbours, employers, colleagues, siblings, or even parents can engage in gaslighting behaviour.
Gaslighting is now widely understood as a core tactic within coercive control. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognises patterns of behaviour that are controlling or coercive as criminal offences in England and Wales – and gaslighting sits squarely within these patterns. When someone systematically undermines your perception of reality, it is not a disagreement or a misunderstanding. It is a form of abuse.
Victims who experience gaslighting may:
- Feel confused or constantly second-guess themselves
- Struggle to make even simple decisions
- Isolate themselves or withdraw from others
- Apologise frequently, even when not at fault
- Feel hopeless, joyless, worthless, or incompetent
- Minimise or make excuses for the other person's behaviour
- Feel as though they are "losing their mind"
The persistent undermining of your thoughts, feelings, and sense of reality can be extremely damaging and difficult to cope with. These effects do not disappear overnight. Many people continue to doubt themselves long after the relationship has ended, replaying conversations and questioning whether they were really the problem.
In therapy, we can begin to untangle the distortion. Gaslighting works by separating you from your own sense of reality – and recovery begins with reconnecting to it. This is not about proving what happened or gathering evidence. It is about learning to trust your own perceptions again.
Working with a therapist who understands coercive control and gaslighting means you do not have to justify your experience or worry about being dismissed. I work with adults affected by these dynamics and provide a space where your reality is not up for debate.
If you believe you are experiencing gaslighting, it is vital to seek professional support. You do not need to have everything figured out before reaching out.
Crisis and Emergency Support
If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services by calling 999. If you are suffering from domestic abuse or know anyone who is, please get help. Refuge National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24 hours, free, confidential). Samaritans: 116 123 (24 hours, free). If you are deaf or cannot verbally communicate, you can register with the emergencySMS service – text REGISTER to 999. Crisis and Emergency Guidance
This article is for educational purposes and does not constitute therapy or create a therapeutic relationship. If you are affected by any of the issues discussed, please seek professional support.
If you think you may be experiencing gaslighting or coercive control and would like to talk, book a free introductory call. You do not need a label or a clear picture of what has happened before reaching out.