Understanding Coercive Control in Relationships
Coercive control is one of the most common and least understood forms of abuse. It does not always involve physical violence. It operates through patterns of behaviour designed to dominate, isolate, and control another person – often in ways that are invisible to everyone outside the relationship.
Since the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, coercive control has been recognised as a criminal offence in England and Wales. But legal recognition is only part of the picture. Many people who experience coercive control do not realise what is happening to them until long after the relationship has ended – and some never name it at all.
Coercive control can include monitoring your movements, controlling your finances, isolating you from friends and family, undermining your confidence, dictating what you wear or eat, using threats or intimidation to maintain compliance, and creating an atmosphere of fear that shapes every decision you make. It is not a single incident. It is a pattern – a sustained campaign that erodes your sense of self over time.
One of the most damaging aspects of coercive control is how it distorts your perception. When someone systematically tells you that your feelings are wrong, your memory is unreliable, or your reactions are unreasonable, you begin to doubt yourself. This is not weakness. It is a predictable psychological response to sustained manipulation.
Therapy can help you make sense of what happened. It provides a space where your experience is taken seriously, where the patterns can be named, and where you can begin to rebuild trust in your own perception. In my work with clients affected by coercive control, I focus on understanding the dynamics of what you have been through, recognising the impact it has had on you, and supporting you to reclaim your sense of self – at whatever pace feels right.
If you are still in a controlling relationship, therapy can still be helpful, but safety must come first. I will not pressure you to leave, and I will not judge where you are in the process. What I will do is help you think clearly about your situation and understand your options.
Crisis and Emergency Support
If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services by calling 999. Samaritans: 116 123 (24 hours, free). National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24 hours, free). Crisis and Emergency Guidance
Is coercive control always obvious?
No. Coercive control is often subtle and builds gradually. Many people do not recognise it until they are out of the relationship, or until someone else names what is happening. It can exist alongside what looks like a normal or even loving relationship on the surface.
Do I need to have left the relationship before starting therapy?
No. You can begin therapy at any stage. I will not tell you what to do or pressure you to make decisions you are not ready for. Therapy can help you think more clearly about your situation, regardless of where you are in the process.
Is coercive control a crime?
Yes. Since the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, coercive or controlling behaviour in an intimate or family relationship is a criminal offence in England and Wales, carrying a maximum sentence of five years.
If any of this resonates with your experience, you are welcome to book a free introductory call. There is no obligation and no pressure – it is simply a chance to talk about whether therapy might help.