What Is Stalking and Why Is It So Hard to Name?
Stalking affects an estimated 1.5 million people in England and Wales each year. Yet most people who are being stalked do not use the word. They say their ex will not leave them alone, that someone is being "a bit obsessive," or that they feel watched. The word stalking feels too dramatic – until it does not.
Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted behaviour that causes fear or distress. It is a criminal offence under the Protection of Freedoms Act 2012. It can include following someone, turning up uninvited, persistent messaging, monitoring social media, tracking someone's location, contacting their employer or friends, sending unwanted gifts, or any sustained behaviour that makes the target feel unsafe.
The difficulty with naming stalking is that many of the individual behaviours, taken in isolation, can appear harmless. A text message is not a crime. Showing up at someone's workplace once might be dismissed as coincidence. It is the pattern that makes it stalking – and patterns are harder to see when you are inside them.
Many people who experience stalking blame themselves. They wonder if they are overreacting, whether they did something to encourage it, or whether it would stop if they just responded differently. These doubts are a normal response to a situation designed to destabilise you. Stalking operates through confusion, unpredictability, and the erosion of your sense of safety.
The psychological impact is significant. Hypervigilance, sleep disruption, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, and a constant sense of being watched are all common. These responses do not disappear the moment the behaviour stops. For many people, the aftermath of stalking lasts far longer than the stalking itself.
In therapy, I work with people who have experienced stalking to process its impact, rebuild a sense of safety, and understand the dynamics at play. I do not require you to have reported the behaviour to the police, and I do not minimise what you have been through. Naming it matters – not because a label fixes anything, but because it allows you to make sense of your experience and begin to reclaim your life.
Crisis and Emergency Support
If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services by calling 999. Samaritans: 116 123 (24 hours, free). National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24 hours, free). Crisis and Emergency Guidance
Does stalking have to involve physical following?
No. Stalking can be entirely online – persistent messaging, monitoring your social media, creating fake accounts to watch you, or using technology to track your location. It does not require physical presence.
Can stalking happen in a relationship?
Yes. A significant proportion of stalking is carried out by current or former intimate partners. It can coexist with coercive control and other forms of abuse.
If you think you may have experienced stalking and want to talk about it, book a free introductory call. You do not need to have all the answers before reaching out.